History Lesson: The Conch Republic

Because I should be packing, and because I should be working on ... oh, you know ... important stuff ... I've decided instead that it would be much more fun to share this little snippet of Keys history.  Besides, if you're reading this because you are planning your own relo to Key West, it might be helpful to understand what the fuss is all about.  It's one of those peculiar "really, seriously?" pieces of American history that you'll rarely find in your more refined history texts.  My favorite! 

So what exactly is the Conch Republic?

"Way" back on April 23, 1982, the residents of the Florida Keys (all of the Keys, mind you) seceded from the United States of America in response to a U.S. border patrol blockade that was set up on highway US-1 at Florida City, the gateway to the Florida Keys.  The government, in effort to coral an influx of drug operations and illegal immigrants, completely alienated the Keys from the U.S. mainland while infuriating the residents who felt they were treated as outlaws in their own country.  Insults set aside, the armed road blocks subsequently hindered tourism, and the resentful Keys residents had had enough.

Key West mayor Dennis Wardlow, along with several other prominent Conchs, went to Federal court in Miami to seek an injunction to stop the federal blockade, but to no avail.  As the angry mayor left the Federal Courthouse, he paused on the steps, looked straight into the eyes of the TV crews and reporters, and proclaimed, "Tomorrow at noon the Florida Keys will secede from the Union!".  The next day, in the public arena of Key West's Mallory Square, Mayor Wardlow officially read the proclamation of secession stating that the newly formed Conch Republic was hence forward an independent nation separate from the United States.  Now referred to as Prime Minister Wardlow, he then symbolically rallied the Conch Republic's Civil Rebellion (and ensuing war against the United States!) by breaking a loaf of stale Cuban bread over the head of a man dressed in a U.S. Navy uniform. 

One minute later, the Prime Minister turned to the Admiral in charge of the Navy base at Key West, surrendered the Union Forces, and demanded one billion dollars in foreign aid and war relief monies to rebuild the long-suffering nation.  The U.S. government promptly removed the roadblock.

To this day, the Conch Republic still celebrates its independence with annual festivities, and official Conch Republic Passports can be ordered through the Office of the Secretary General of the Conch Republic.  Your newly acquired "dual citizenship" may not get you too far in your travels but, for a mere $100, you too can become a part of Keys history.  Really, and you thought "history" was boring!  

By the way, the Conch Republic is still waiting for its foreign aid .. but don't hold your breath!